My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
