Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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