i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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