Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
