I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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