Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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