Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
