do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
