apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
