Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
