oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
