so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
