I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize