Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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