Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
