can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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