I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
