Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
