I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
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