i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
