Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
