It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
