yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
