I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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