I cut my penus on the lid.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
