Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
try to milk me bitch
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
