I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish you could order shots online.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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