I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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