I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i think my cat just said my name.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
