i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize