i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
