he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize