My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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