dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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