did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
