look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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