my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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