Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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