Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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