i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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