the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Four minutes until I can fart!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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