Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
