Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
