I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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