that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
