Welp...herpes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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