why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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