i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
