oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
