Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
