Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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