As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
