Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
