Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
