Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize