who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
this is an emotional support booty call
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
