what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
