I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it's like iHOP with fire
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
