Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
