at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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