I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
