i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
