I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
