I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
