Will you blow on my dice?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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