Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
