apparently the secret to your success is patron
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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