At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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