The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
These tits shall not be calmed
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
