This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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