do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
