remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
