i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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